Better Relationships #10 - The Pride Problem

In this blog series on better relationships, we have taken a close look at 1^st Corinthians 13. This is part of a larger section on how a church is to work and it is to be a place where people love one another. This chapter has some examples of what love is, such as being patient and kind. There are also examples of what love is not. It is not jealous or proud.

Love and pride are incompatible, yet pride is part of the sinful nature that comes with every human being since Adam and Eve. How do we truly love one another in our family, and in our church? How do we overcome this tendency toward pride?

 

1. TAKE TIME TO LISTEN

We need to take time to listen to others because overcoming pride is done through getting advice. Proud people think they know everything.  People who are able to have good relationships with others, seek advice from others, and are open to listening to others. 

Proverbs 13:10 “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

Getting advice does slow you down. All too often we are in a hurry, we think there is an urgency, therefore we need to make the decision and do it right now. I was listening to a podcast with Jocko Willink who was a Navy SEAL, and they have a saying. “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.” Our pride inflates our self-worth and thinks that we will make the best decision and do it in a hurry. To overcome pride we need to take time to listen.

God speaks to us through gifted teachers, through circumstances that are sometimes painful, through listening to Him in prayer, and through the Bible. Take the time to listen, not just to wise people in your life, but more importantly listen to God.

 

2. ALLOW OTHERS TO HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE

The Pacific Conference is a connectional system. There are a lot of positive things about this connectional system and one is that there is accountability. Accountability isn’t always fun, but it is important. Pride keeps us from accountability. Pride makes us lonely because it pushes us to go it alone and not be accountable to anyone.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

 

3. GIVE YOUR LIFE IN SERVICE

Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus hung out with rich and poor alike.  In Luke 14 Jesus was at a banquet at a rich man’s house.  The food is coming out and everyone is worried about getting the most honored place to sit at the banquet.  Jesus has to straighten out people who are busy tripping over their own pride and posturing, telling them to look to the needs of others. Service, humility, and holiness are demonstrated when you serve people who cannot do anything for you. To be like Christ, to let go of our pride and have better relationships we are to give our lives in service of others.

  

Better Relationships #9 - Love is Not Proud

 Love is not Proud 

This blog series in 1^st Corinthians 13 shows us how to love one another in the church. The previous post was how love does not boast and this one is how love is not proud. The words boast and proud essentially refer to the same problem of pride. Boasting is the outward manifestation of pride on the inside. Boasting is what a proud person does. Boast is a word that means “to brag.” Bragging is when we try to promote ourselves or build ourselves up. It is the idea of parading our abilities, accomplishments, or acquaintances. The Greek word that is translated proud literally means to be “puffed up.” It is the idea of something being bigger or more than it really is. It’s sort of the idea of inflation or the rising prices of groceries, housing, and everything else being puffed up. If you want a healthy church, healthy marriage, healthy family, you need love and you cannot have pride.

Pride keeps us from communicating. Many of our problems are communication problems. We misunderstand and misinterpret what others say to us. Human beings by and large are not good at mind-reading. It gets worse when we infuse this with pride. We assume what other people are saying and out of our pride, we assume that we are always right and others are always wrong.

Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

Proverbs 13:10 “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

Pride keeps us from listening to others in our lives who try to help us. The Pacific Conference of The Evangelical Church is a group of churches in a connectional relationship. There are reasons for this, and one of those reasons is accountability. Pride keeps us from admitting that we aren’t always right. There are times when we need others to hold us accountable. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” Pride keeps us from listening to others in our lives who are trying to encourage us and build us up because we would need to admit that we have some blind spots.

Pride pushes us toward being critical of others. It says in Proverbs 21:24 “Mockers are proud and haughty; they act with boundless arrogance.” Pride reveals itself with a superior attitude that is constantly evaluating, correcting, and judging others. Pride criticizes and tears down others who many times have greater abilities, successes, or positions of authority. Pride causes us to try to make ourselves look better by putting others down.

A great example of pride is in the parable Jesus told about a Pharisee and the corrupt tax collector who both went to the temple to pray. Luke 18:11-12 “The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: `God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’” Pride hurts relationships because it causes us to be like the Pharisee and have an inflated opinion of ourselves but a low opinion of others, causing us to be arrogant and critical of others.

Once upon a time there was a guy who came to his pastor and said, “Pastor, I only have one talent.” The pastor asked, “What’s your talent? The man said, "I have the gift of criticism." The pastor said, "The Bible says that the guy who had only one talent went out and buried it. Maybe that’s what you ought to do with yours."