Better Relationships #5 - Love is kind

This summer there have probably been hundreds of weddings where someone has read 1^st Corinthians chapter 13. It sounds great at a wedding, however, the context is not a marriage, but how we treat one another within the church. All too often we relegate this chapter to the relationship of a husband and a wife when in reality, this passage about love is directed to the church. There are a lot of descriptive qualities of love in this chapter. It says in: 1 Corinthians 13:4 “…love is kind…”

In the Old Testament in 2^nd Samuel 9, David is king, and one day he had a question. He said, “Is anyone in Saul’s family still alive—anyone to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” In those days kings would normally execute anyone who is a threat to their power and position. Saul had been the king, and his son Jonathan was next in line to be king. David wanted to show kindness to someone who probably had a stronger claim on the throne than he did. This was not the best political move for a king during the bronze age. But David’s love for Jonathan was so great that he could demonstrate that love by showing kindness to Jonathan’s son Mephibosheth.

David  knew that God loved him, and he wanted to show God’s love to others. As it turns out Mephibosheth really did need the kindness of the king. He was the grandson of King Saul, but when he was a young boy the nanny dropped him and he had been crippled ever since. He was essentially hiding in a desolate place. Then comes the word that the new king, the guy his grandfather hated, King David wanted to see him. David showed him kindness, not because he deserved it, but because he needed kindness.

In 1^st Corinthians when it says “love is kind,” one of the meanings for this Greek word is “good-hearted.” If we want to have better relationships in our family, and in our church, we need to be kind. Are we truly “good-hearted” toward one another? Like David, are we kind to people that we wouldn’t normally be kind to and who can do nothing for us in return?

Two weeks before I went away to college, my parents moved to Florence, Oregon where my dad was the pastor at the Florence Evangelical Church. That meant I had a two day drive to go to college rather than one long day. So, on my trips back and forth during my college years many times I stayed with Norm and Jean Whitford. They were my uncle’s in-laws, so these are not exactly close relatives. Yet they were the very definition of good-hearted kindness. They really didn’t have much, but they were always so kind and generous. They loved having me stay with them. They would provide bed and breakfast, as well as a sack lunch for the road. Not only that, but their kindness went up another level when I would bring people with me, giving them a ride to or from college. They were happy when I was there, and even more happy the more people I brought.

Do we show this kind of kindness to one another? If we want to have better relationships we need to work on our kindness. Is our church a place where people are experiencing kindness? It is not a suggestion, it is a command of Jesus to love one another, and “love is kind.”

 

Better Relationships #4 - Love is Patient

In the 1800’s there lived a man named Robert Ingersoll. He grew up the son of a pastor, but walked away from the faith. Ingersoll became a lawyer and was involved in politics. However, he is most known for his books and series of lectures on the non-existence of God. Several times during his lectures he would say, “I’ll give God five minutes to strike me dead for the things I’ve said.” Then, he would use the fact that he was not struck dead as proof God did not exist. There was a pastor named Theodore Parker at that time. He was told of what Mr. Ingersoll was doing. His response was, “Did the gentleman think he could exhaust the patience of the eternal God in five minutes?”

Lately in this blog we’ve been looking at 1 Corinthians 13. This is a chapter on love, but it is in the context of how we behave with each other in the church. In verses 4-8 of this chapter there are 15 characteristics of what it means to love. Today we look at how “love is patient.”

How patient are you? I have a more task oriented personality and patience does not come easily to me. I’m constantly sitting in traffic or picking the wrong checkout lane in the grocery store and I'm wondering if the Lord is working on putting me in opportunities to learn patience.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4 when it says, “love is patient,” the Greek word is (makrothumeo). It is sometimes translated “long-suffering.” The literal meaning is “taking a long time to boil.” We may know people who have a “short fuse,” which means they get angry easily or quickly. Patience means we have a “long fuse.” It is victory over anger. This word always means to have patience with people, not things or situations. There is a Greek word that means patience toward things or circumstances, and it is translated as “perseveres” in v.7. Patience requires divine help to develop because our natural tendency is to be impatient with people.

So, if part of showing love in our relationships is patience, then how do we be patient with other people? That is a complicated topic, but the primary way is to simply remember how patient God has been with us. We have to make the conscious effort to remember God’s patience. Paul talked about this with Timothy saying, 1 Timothy 1:15-16 “…Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners…”

Patience suffers long. All of these characteristics we see here in 1 Corinthians 13 are attributes of Jesus. God never commands us to do anything that isn’t seen in the life of Jesus. When you are a Christian, you have Jesus in your heart and God’s spirit working in your life, so you can do this. I can’t have love without patience, and in order to be patient, I need to remember how patient God has been with us. God can change us from the inside out. If you need love in your relationships, if you need more patience in your life, you need more of Jesus in your life.

Better Relationships #3

In this new role of superintendent I’m on the road a lot more than I was as a local church pastor. As a result, I’ve changed the oil for my car quite a bit more often lately. You need to change the oil because when your engine is really working hard, there is friction and the oil eases that friction. If there is no oil, the friction creates incredible heat, and your engine will be damaged and eventually no longer work. In the church, love is the oil that keeps things lubricated and running even when there is friction; and there will be friction from time to time. 

We’re looking at what the Bible says about how we are to love each other in the church from the key passage on how we treat one another in the church.

1 Corinthians 13:2-3 “If I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.”

#1 When I love others, what I believe will have meaning.

If we do not love, our faith means nothing to God or anyone. Being a Christian is much more than just believing the right theology. I am an advocate for correct doctrine, however, it is not what you believe about the Jesus, but what difference has Jesus made in your life? What difference has Jesus made in how you behave at home or in school or in the church? The Bible says in Hebrews 11 that without faith it is impossible to please God, but that needs to be a faith that also has love. Paul wrote in Galatians 5:6 “What is important is faith expressing itself in love.”

The prophet Jonah had great faith. It was because of his faith in the power of God’s Word that he resisted going to Nineveh to preach.  He had faith to know that if he preached, and if they repented, that God would forgive them. Jonah hated the people of Nineveh. They were the enemy of Israel.  Because of his lack of love, he did not want the sinful Ninevites to be saved from a horrible judgment. After the whale experience, Jonah went to Nineveh and preached, bringing great revival there. BUT, Jonah’s faith meant nothing because the only faith that pleases God is one that expresses itself through love.

#2 When I love others, what I do will have value.

Paul is talking about agape love, self-sacrificing love. But, self-sacrifice doesn’t necessarily come from love. In 1 Corinthians 13:3 the apostle Paul talks about sacrificing and providing for others. Way too often in this world parents have given their children gifts rather than spending time with their children. They sacrifice their time and provide things, when the child really needs their parent.

God is love, and as his followers and as his children, we are called to love one another. This gets difficult because of the friction we have when we are close with people, this is why we need to check the oil and make sure that we really are loving one another. Jesus said it like this, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” (John 13:34). If we want to have better relationships we need to have love for others which is more important than our theological framework and it is more important than any gift or good deed. Will we really love one another?

Better Relationships #2

We are made for relationships, yet those relationships are not easy. What does the Bible say about having better relationships? 1 Corinthians 13 is not just a passage that you read at a wedding, the context of this passage is how we treat one another within the church. The church is to be different than the rest of the world by the way we love one another. 

1 Corinthians 13:1-2 “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.”

#1 If I have love in my heart, what I say will be more than noise.

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” In some translations, there is the phrase “the tongues of men and of angels.” This is a poetic way of simply saying language, while at the same time also being articulate. I’ve been a pastor for a long time, but I am nowhere close to the best preachers out there. I wish I was a lot better of a preacher. There are some pastors that preach and I am amazed at how they can turn a phrase and put together thoughts and I wish I could do that. If I was a fantastic public speaker, speaking with the tongues of men and angels, the greatest possible eloquence, oratory, and articulation of speech in languages of heaven and earth, yet no language in heaven or earth has real meaning without love.

Have you ever noticed that you can get an album with just piano music, or just guitar, or one of the several different kinds of horns? However, I have yet to find an album of just cymbals. The cymbals blend into the background, but the repeated clashing all by itself just makes meaningless irritating sounds. The Bible tells us that if I do not have love in my heart, my words will just be about as welcome as clanging cymbals.

#2 If I have love, what I know will be of worth.

“If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge…, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” My great-grandpa Cleveland was an amazing guy. He was a school teacher, but also spent some time as a pastor in the Pacific Conference in the 1940’s & 1950’s. I remember one time when I was probably around junior high age and great-grandpa Cleveland said to me, “hey Brian, what do you know?” And, as a typical adolescent I said, “not much” or something along those lines. Then grandpa told me, “Don’t ever say that. You’re a smart kid. When someone asks you ‘What do you know?’ you tell them, ‘I know everything, what do you want me to tell you?’”

I obviously do not know everything. However, you can be the person who knows almost everything. You could be Albert Einstein, Elon Musk, Dr. Phil, and King Solomon all rolled into one, but without love in your relationships, all you know is worthless. It says in 1 Corinthians 8:1b “while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church.” If we want to have a strong conference of churches, if you want a strong local church, if you want a strong marriage, or a strong family, we need to have love for one another.